Katherine’s Mind

“Any love I’ve ever given you is yours to keep.”

I’ve been on a huge Pinterest kick recently (partly because it makes me feel like I have my life together, partly because it’s extremely therapeutic for me) and this quote came across my feed and absolutely knocked me over. I’ve been pondering it for probably weeks at this point, which has led me to ponder the concept of “love” overall. I realize that at this point, 75% of my blog posts have something to do with love, but honestly I think that’s kind of fun. Besides, isn’t that our life’s mission? To love others well?

Here are some things I’m learning about love (and this is only the beginning!):

1. People give and feel love differently – If you’ve ever heard of the concept of “love languages,” this is pretty much the entire point of that. I have one friend who loves hugging me, squeezing my face, and “cuddle puddles” and, although I’ve never considered myself a “physical touch” person, with her I am. I have another friend whose love language is simply running errands and sharing the mundane intimacies of life like tackling grocery lists, filling up the gas tank, returning packages, and (if you’re lucky) driving through a car wash. For many of my other friends, it comes in the form of hours upon hours of unfiltered, unpolished conversations. Ones where you don’t need to have all the answers and you can bounce ideas off of each other without fear of judgement. This is the case for some of my absolute favorite people. For me, I’ve been writing handwritten letters, birthday cards, and “just because” notes since I was in elementary school. I find there’s something beautiful in memorializing my heart in ink, and I have a box in my dorm room of every card, letter, and note I’ve received over the past three years (and it’s more than you’d think!). I think it’s beautiful that there are 7.9 billion specific ways people experience love.
2. Learn your friends’ love languages, and actually do them – I find that 90% of the times we feel unsatisfied in our friendships and relationships, it’s because we’re focused on whether or not we feel like we are receiving what we deserve. Let that go. Love the person who’s right in front of you and love them without any concern for what they can do for you. The purest form of love is selfless and if you’re always worried about keeping score, you’ll never be able to love others well. If they love gifts, bake them treats or give them a rock that reminded you of them. Pick some flowers and bring them the next time you see each other. If they crave words of affirmation, shoot them a quick text or leave them a sticky note on their laptop – it takes two seconds, but you never know how much it’ll mean to them. 
3. Not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever – And that’s okay. People come and go whether by their own volition or simply by life circumstances, but that doesn’t mean investing in that friendship was a waste. Investing in others is never, ever a waste. The ends do not justify the means. You can learn something from anyone and if you don’t understand yourself or the world a little better after knowing someone for a while, you aren’t listening. 
4. Sometimes people want to be loved by being let go – I’m still learning this one, but I know it to be true. At the end of the day, you can’t force people to stay. Allow them to leave, wish them well and, if they let you, help them pack their bags. Allow that bridge to be grown over with weeds, but don’t burn it. In general, I tend to have a difficult time saying “goodbye.” Whether it be for the summer, the school year, or life. If it were up me, I would collect friends like state quarters and never spend them. But that’s not how most people view life and relationships, and honestly it’s not even the best mentality. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that a little more clearly. 

I take love very seriously, and I don’t say the words “I love you” flippantly. So if you’re reading this and I’ve ever told you that, I meant it. And I still mean it. Those words still belong to you, and I don’t regret the love I’ve given you. It’s yours to keep if you want it. I still love you, I’m still praying for you, and I hope you’re doing well. ❤